LENT.

I'm giving up facebook for lent. I've never done lent before, but I decided I wanted to try it this year! It's been 5 years since I've had facebook, but I'm giving it up.
40 days.
40 nights.
I can do this!
I realized that even if I have nothing to do, I'd always go to facebook just to see if I can somehow kill some time.
Within these 40 days, I hope to be able to advert all my attention on homework and spend more time with God.
Lord, in these 40 days, I hope to be able to walk my steps a little further with you.♥

"Don't worry, I'll come back"

I will admit it.
For the past few months I haven't been going to church.
No, I haven't given up on God. My excuse has always been "I've just been really busy recently", which isn't completely a lie. I have been busy with school and moving. BUT. I know that that's no reason to push the opportunity of getting closer to God and feeding my spirits, to the side. I always thought that it was a reasonable, legit "excuse". If anyone was to give up on someone, it should be God giving up on me, but because God is so forgiving and loving, he wouldn't give up on me. Especially since I am one of God masterpiece, as is every single one of you.

Recently, I've been feeling like my life is heading in the wrong direction. I feel really uncomfortable, and something just doesn't feel right anymore. Semester one is over, that's a good thing. But my marks were not satisfying. I think it all started after I stopped going to church. My marks just started going downhill with the exception of music. Second semester started today, and before this day ever came, I felt that it would be easy and relaxing. I thought it would be a chill semester, but boy was I wrong. Nothing much happened today, but I suddenly felt overwhelmed. A feeling of uneasiness. The thoughts of "can I really survive this semester?" going through my head. I was suddenly doubting everything. I suddenly felt really... really... weak. The feeling of being uncomfortable was welcomed into my life once more and the path I walk got further from the right path again.

Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in a long time. It was a different church, yes. But church is church. It's just the house of God. Doesn't matter which church I go to right? My parents have been searching for a different church to go to because they felt it was time to switch. But that's not the main point. Yesterday, I felt like I was renewed again. I felt a little bit stronger. I could once again, breathe. I felt comfortable and satisfied. Today I walked into school feeling the way I felt before yesterday, and walked out feeling the same. It was not until a while ago, did it finally dawn on me as to why I might've felt that way. My conclusion? Simply because I have pushed God to the side for too long.

They say to place all your burden on God, right? I haven't been doing that. My friend told me that if there is a time when I am unable to STAND, to KNEEL. I told her I would do so. I actually haven't. I have never once seeked God when I was in trouble. I may have cried out "Lord, help me!" but have I actually cried out sincerely? What I mean by that is have I actually cried out because I needed him?

What I've been doing by not going to church is starving my spirit. There was no energy left in it. It's because I know that God is there for me ALWAYS. And because I know this point, I think to myself "Lord, you're always there for me. I'm just going to leave you for a moment. Don't worry though, I'll come back real soon!" But how soon was real soon? It might have been many more months, years or more. And because I've "left" him, the gap between him and I are opening wide. God's hands are reaching for me, and each time he tries to get closer, I'm always moving away from him. If I continued this, then in the future it'd be much harder for me. The large gap I'd have to try and fill in. The difficulties I'd have had to go through. The pain, the sadness and misery. But most importantly, those times I've been away from him, I could've been receiving so much more than I have now. I could've been receiving his eternal love.His love is always with me, I know. But while I'm away, I could only feel it around me, embracing me. But I never felt it in me, which is probably most important. The times I've been away from him, I've been running around like that lost lamb that the Shepard went to look for. Being rebellious and not staying close to the pack and to the Shepard. I could've been eaten and killed by hungry wolves.

All I can do now, is restrengthen my spirit and let it grow and catch up with God. Let myself connect with God once again. It'll take time getting used to everything again. And maybe it's good to start anew. Whatever the case, I need to find my way back to God.

Lord, thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for always being there for me even when I have neglected you. I am back, my father, and I hope that these warm pair of arms will forever be embracing me until I come see you. As well as all the others in the world. I am willing to start anew, it may take time, but I will surely get there knowing that you are there, holding my hands and helping me learn to walk step by step first, then up the stairs. Everything takes time and process and it may be a bumpy road, but at the end of the day, I'll be able to sleep in your arms. The arms that are hugging me, until tomorrow comes with a new challenge for us.

Footprints in the Sand

"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.


In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.


This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,


'You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?'


The Lord replied, 'The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.'"


-Mary Stevenson

Honestly; I love this poem. Or quote if you prefer to call it that. It really gets to me. The first time I ever read that, I felt a ppang! in my heart. It made me realize that I am never ever alone. Especially during my darkest times and my time of need. Even during my brightest times; the Lord is always walking beside me, and of course: you. It made me realize that there's always someone there for me. Those times when I'm too tired to continue walking... the time that I just... need to close my eyes and faint, the Lord is always there, ready to catch me when I do fall. And no matter how heavy my burdens may be, he's still willing to carry me throughout the whole way until I regain my strength to be able to walk with him again.

Before I read to the very last line, I wondered to myself. "Is it true? It can't be. Jesus would never leave us, especially during our lowest times of our lives. But... then, where did his footprints go?" Of course, I don't mean to doubt God, in fact... I wasn't doubting at all. It was just the quote that got me wondering these things... as if it was a story I was reading; asking myself questions. But when I read the last line, it was like everything around it disappeared and all that I could see was:

"The Lord replied, "The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you."

I stared at it for a while and felt my heart softened up. I smiled to myself and thought to myself "I can relax, knowing that when I fall, the Lord will carry me."

SO. I was hunting around today for that picture and that quote and everything to post on my tumblr.
And came across the song "Footprints in the Sand" by Leona Lewis.
The Lyrics:

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid
And just when I
Have though I've lost my way

You give me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
And I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
when your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

Here's the youtube link: Footprints in the Sand 
Please listen and watch. (:

"If you ate today, Thank a Farmer."

Read that while going to a provincial park.
So true...
so...
Thank you, farmer Bill.
|: Random name just popped in, but i'm sure there's a farmer bill somewhere! D:

What does it mean to feed your spirit and let it breathe?

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with my mom. It was one of those "deep" talks that my mom and I have about God once in a while. We were discussing a few stuff, but one of them was about feeding the spirit and letting it breathe.
Now, we all know that feeding our spirit means we need to read the bible. Why do we feed it? Of course, it's to give it more strength and to make it stronger. In a way, the spirit is like our body. If we don't give our body food, we most likely will be weak, and won't be able to do things that require our strength. Much like the body, the spirit needs food. Without food for the spirit, then the spirit won't be able to connect with God. In a way, I guess you could say that if we feed our spirit, then it will have more strength to be able to move towards God. So on earth, more food for body, more strength and energy for us to do stuff. In spirit, the more we feed it, the more it has strength and energy to run towards God. If we don't feed our spirit, then our spirit is just going to become weak and won't be able to reach God anymore. Think of it as running if you need to. To get the the finish line, what do you need? ENERGY!
Of course, the bible isn't the ONLY thing that feeds your spirit. Any devotions you do, or daily reading, or even things about Christ will feed your spirit. BUT. The bible is the BEST source of food for our spirits. You can never learn more than enough from the bible. Each time you read it, you gain something new from it!
But believe it or not! Or unless you already knew, that having a stronger spirit means your soul can be more controlled! Say what? Okay, so this is how God made us: God-->Spirit-->Soul-->Body.
So we feed our spirit so that it may be closer with God and be able to connect with God. When our spirit is strong and have a connection with God, it can control our Soul. Our soul is.. something like our emotions and feelings. Whatever the soul feels, it makes the body do. The soul is uncontrolled, BUT, the only thing that CAN control it, is the spirit. That's where feeding the spirit comes in handy. Like I mentioned before, when our spirit is strong, it can control our soul so that it doesn't go out of hand. So, is that what it means by "self-controlled" for the 9 fruits of the spirit? So keep your spirit strong so your soul won't take over you!
Breathing is essential, no? It's IMPORTANT. It helps you LIVE. So of course we can't suffocate our spirit, that's why we PRAY. My mom said that praying to God, helps our spirit breathe. And truthfully, it does. I was showering the same night I spoke with my mom, and while I was showering, I was repenting and asking for forgiveness, forgiving those that I need to forgive, just saying sorry, etc. After I showered, man, did I feel so refreshed. It's like I suddenly breathed PURE air. While I was talking to my mom, I couldn't help but feel so happy, but also wanted to cry for some reason... but more so happy.
So really!
Keep those spirits fed and let it BREATHE.