Retreat! One Family. One Heart. One Mission.

Love how I'm so "i hate this" in my other blog but i'm so "it was awesome!" in this blog.
What can i say?
Mixed feeling right now?
my parents and I just came back from our church retreat at YMCA Geneva Park, which is 2 hours north of Toronto.
The place was really pretty even if it is a "camp". They served a full day's meal with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even snack after 10.
We got it for a cheap price since the church paid for part of it. We even got to skate and go cross country skiing, but I stayed in the dining hall doing something winter break homework (just reading). My parents went cross country skiing though.
Over 100 people came on this retreat, and God did a wonderful thing. Many people were healed, and many families reunited.
I really felt that God's presence was there with us the whole way through.
I even made a new friend during the retreat. I got to talk to many other people I usually don't talk to as well.
At night, the youths would gather together and play cards until 2am while all the adults were sleeping. Haha, it was really fun!
Long story short, I'm glad I ended up going because I felt a bit like a new person. Not fully, but a bit. At least that's something!
So retreat was really good!
The place was really nice, i loved the dining hall area.
The food was good too.
Not just those, but just everything in general.
Just being there.
I'm glad I chose to go in the end.
I really felt God's love. His love for me, and the love he put in my family.
I also felt closer to SOME of the youths at my church, but really? I think everything will be back to normal once sunday comes again. Depending where I go i guess.
My church's decided to split into two. A North York one, and a York Region one.
I'm not sure whether I like this or not. What about the friends we have in church that we've been with since the first day we went to church? Although you're not really supposed to go to church for friends, but you still need friends right?
Anyway, right. Retreat.
God's presence was with each of us the whole way through.
I feel like I've inched a bit closer to God than I was before retreat.
I'm not sure how long I can hold on to this one little inch before I fall back.
But i'm willing to do what i can to hold on tightly to it and hopefully inch closer.
I'll climb the rope that's tied to God even though i'm barely near him. Even though i'm more near the end of the rope. I'll climb though! Step by step, i'll get closer to him.

God, I saw the love that you put in everyone in those 3 days. And I hope that they can continue feeling the love that you delicately put in them. The parents who love their children, thank you for being there for the children and the parents. Thank you for not giving up on any of us, but encouraging us. I feel that this retreat has brought the children and parents closer to each other. The warmth and love that we all found through you, from you, and from our parents. The understanding that may have once been lost between parents and children, you were there to help us pull through to see the truth. Though at the age of a teenager, they no longer want to communicate with their parents as much, but thank you for giving our parents the heart to still care for us. Though they've done so much for them, we always push them away. I understand that much. I pray that the teens of this generation and so on will grow to see their parents love for them and the care they put into their love.

My Heart.

Where's my heart going?
I wonder about that.
I feel like I'm being pulled away from God, and I put no effort into trying to get closer.
"I'm sorry God."

Sometimes you think to yourself.
"Oh, the world is ending soon. I should go read the bible now."
In my heart, that is what I do.
well, to be more accurate, that's what I hope i'm not doing.
I wonder to myself after even my mom telling me. "Do you only seek God when you face trouble?"
Well, no. I don't. When I'm happy, I sometimes talk to God, or when I'm bored.
But those conversations...
Well, they're not "not meaningful".
But they're not heartfelt conversations either.
It's like a small joke to a normal human friend.
I know that I'm distancing from God, quite a bit.
When I think of it, it's scary.
Not to mention, I also know that the world is ending soon...
Put those two together and you get: omgsh the world's ending soon i really should start getting closer to God so I can go to heaven instead of going to hell.
Is that really it?
Is that what I think?
I'm not sure...
I'm wondering about that question myself. Is that how I'm thinking?
Is the reason why I only want to get close to God, really only because of wanting to go to heaven?
I don't think it's guilty to think like that, but i don't think it's right either...
We're God's lover.
To me, when i think like that, I feel like i'm using God. And I don't like thinking that i'm using him.
But then, am I supposed to conclude with not getting closer to God?
I don't think so...
I tell myself to just get closer to God.
It works....
for a while.
After a few days it's back to normal. Normal, as in "eat.sleep.computer.ipod.text.eat.sleep.computer.ipod.text"
Is that really what life is about though?
Eating when you're hungry.
Sleeping when you're tired.
Going on computer for entertainment although sometimes people go on for inappropriate stuff. :/
^What is the world becoming??
Listening to iPod for music, and if you have an iTouch or iPad or whatever you play games.
Texting your best friend instead of calling, although that's no difference or a problem.
is THAT what life is about?
Where's my life going?
Where is my heart leading me?
God... help me.
give me OPPORTUNITIES to get closer to you, and find the truth in life.
Let me hold your hand so that i can walk with you again to where you are leading my life to.
Without you Lord, my life is nothing.
nothing.