My Heart.

Where's my heart going?
I wonder about that.
I feel like I'm being pulled away from God, and I put no effort into trying to get closer.
"I'm sorry God."

Sometimes you think to yourself.
"Oh, the world is ending soon. I should go read the bible now."
In my heart, that is what I do.
well, to be more accurate, that's what I hope i'm not doing.
I wonder to myself after even my mom telling me. "Do you only seek God when you face trouble?"
Well, no. I don't. When I'm happy, I sometimes talk to God, or when I'm bored.
But those conversations...
Well, they're not "not meaningful".
But they're not heartfelt conversations either.
It's like a small joke to a normal human friend.
I know that I'm distancing from God, quite a bit.
When I think of it, it's scary.
Not to mention, I also know that the world is ending soon...
Put those two together and you get: omgsh the world's ending soon i really should start getting closer to God so I can go to heaven instead of going to hell.
Is that really it?
Is that what I think?
I'm not sure...
I'm wondering about that question myself. Is that how I'm thinking?
Is the reason why I only want to get close to God, really only because of wanting to go to heaven?
I don't think it's guilty to think like that, but i don't think it's right either...
We're God's lover.
To me, when i think like that, I feel like i'm using God. And I don't like thinking that i'm using him.
But then, am I supposed to conclude with not getting closer to God?
I don't think so...
I tell myself to just get closer to God.
It works....
for a while.
After a few days it's back to normal. Normal, as in "eat.sleep.computer.ipod.text.eat.sleep.computer.ipod.text"
Is that really what life is about though?
Eating when you're hungry.
Sleeping when you're tired.
Going on computer for entertainment although sometimes people go on for inappropriate stuff. :/
^What is the world becoming??
Listening to iPod for music, and if you have an iTouch or iPad or whatever you play games.
Texting your best friend instead of calling, although that's no difference or a problem.
is THAT what life is about?
Where's my life going?
Where is my heart leading me?
God... help me.
give me OPPORTUNITIES to get closer to you, and find the truth in life.
Let me hold your hand so that i can walk with you again to where you are leading my life to.
Without you Lord, my life is nothing.
nothing.